If you’re looking for a way to find a third for your bedroom, you have come to the right place. Brandon and I have had numerous threesomes with both men and women, we have swapped and I have been shared on my own too. We know a thing or two about what it takes to have a threesome and we are so excited to share this guide with you all.
We are going to dive deep into what it takes to find a third, the different online and offline ways you can find someone to join you, and how you can understand what it is that you want from this experience. As always, if you have any questions or comments feel free to leave them down in the comment section below.
Table of Contents
- 1 What Is A Third?
- 2 What Are You Looking For & Which Kind Of Third Person Is Easier To Find?
- 3 How We Find A Third Person For A Threesome
- 4 Flaking, Fakes, And Picture Swappers
- 5 Why Do Unicorns Avoid New Couples?
- 6 What you shouldn’t do (you will fail a lot if you do this)
- 7 How To Make Sure You’re Ready To Open Things Up
What Is A Third?
A third is somebody who joins your relationship either romantically and/or just sexually. This person can be of any sex and is usually someone who is involved with both you and your partner or just one of you.
Thirds can be single, in a relationship, or looking for romance and are usually held in high regard by couples, especially if they are a woman (commonly referred to as a unicorn).
Some people find a third for just one night of love and passion and some people find a third to enjoy regularly, building a trusting relationship between all three participants. Everyone is different however and how you may do it may be different from how Brandon and I do it for example.
What Are You Looking For & Which Kind Of Third Person Is Easier To Find?
Before you jump straight into finding a third, you need to work out what it is you want. It’s not always as simple as finding the first person who takes an interest in you both. Decide the kind of person you want in your bedroom, be realistic about your expectations and talk everything through with your partner until you’re bored of talking about it and then you’re ready to find your third.
These are the most common types of third scenarios:
Threesome With A Unicorn (bi or straight): This type of person is a little harder to find but not impossible. This third is usually willing to join an existing couple and is usually a female, although men can be classed as unicorns too it’s just more common than the female third, which people find more of a rarity. However, it’s becoming a lot easier with dating sites and a growing population. There are more people out there willing to join an existing couple looking for fun.
Threesome With Another Man: This is a super easy third to find, the easiest of all of them. I’ve never had trouble finding another man for a threesome. Whether they’re joining a pre-established couple or if you are just a pair of friends looking for some fun with another man, it can be quite easy and you probably won’t have to look very far to find a willing male.
Solo Sex: If the person you are meeting is aware of your relationship and knows they are being used as a third, this is a really easy scenario to have, a lot of couples have solo sex and then tell the other about it (Brandon and I have done this countless times). Sometimes it stays as solo sex with the third and other times this opens up the idea of a threesome with their partner. Just be upfront about everything in this scenario.
Should It Be A Stranger Or Someone You Know?
This is a question that comes up a lot between couples. Is it best to have someone you both know and trust? or is it best to get a complete stranger to come and help you satisfy your urges?
It’s good to know that, a lot of threesomes happen with friends or at the very least, acquaintances. This isn’t always the case so don’t be put off if you wanted to keep friends out of this.
However, if you want to do it with someone you know, this is the trick:
Arrange a social time with the three of you, go for a drink, communicate, chat, have fun and see if there’s any sexual tension, if there’s chemistry progress or bring up the idea, see how they respond, invite them over to your place for a movie night or to cook for them, always let them know that you are open to it so they understand what is going on, repeat this until you find the right person.
How We Find A Third Person For A Threesome
There are so many amazing ways to find a good third, from dating, to bars, swinging events, and friends, I’ve done my best to list all the of the ways that I know will help you find a third.
Threesome Safe Dating Sites
Finding the perfect stranger couldn’t be done in this modern age without the help of dating sites. I use this technique all of the time, I find it the best way to get your point across, it allows you to be upfront and honest before anyone reaches out to you and you can filter through hundreds of people if you want to before finding the perfect one, which is ideal for anyone that may be nervous or new to this kind of thing.
Adult Friend Finder: I find AFF to be the best for swinging and finding fuck buddy-style thirds. You can be open on your profile, explain exactly what it is you’re looking for you, you can find people who are down to meet you that very same day and there are so many active users that it never gets boring.
Tinder: Tinder isn’t just for hookups or monogamous relationships, you can instantly let people know what you’re looking for, you can limit time wasters by displaying your wants directly on your profile and you can be sure to find a ton of people nearby if you keep your location pretty accurate. I find tinder works best in bigger cities and towns as otherwise, you may end up with the same pool of people again and again.
OkCupid: Although a more serious dating site, OkCupid allows you to really tailor your matches to your needs. Be honest, upfront, and realistic about your wants from your third, and make sure those answers align with your true feelings when you fill out your questionnaire on this site. Plenty of people use this dating site as a way to find people from all different walks of life and there are always people looking for some fun.
BiCupid: I don’t see BiCupid talked about enough, it’s filled with singles, couples, kinksters, and everything in between. Look for love, hook-ups, and thirds on this site, get signed up, make an intriguing and stand-out profile and enjoy the process of finding your perfect match.
Craigslist: Please do your research and be thorough when meeting up with a third from craigslist. There are plenty of nice, normal, and horny people on this site but there are also plenty of catfishes and strange people out there too. Always meet in a public place and never give out personal information.
Swing Lifestyle: Although it’s angled towards swingers, this site allows you to explore new and exciting people at your fingertips. Plenty of people join up and explain their circumstances, and their desire for a third, and plenty of willing participants jump at the chance. It’s a place for everyone just be open and honest about what you want from having a third.
FabSwingers (If you’re in the UK): This site is a haven for swinging opportunities and whilst a lot of users are swingers, you will find plenty of newbies and couples looking and wanting to be thirds. It is mandatory to fill out a profile and so be specific, let the community know what you want, and enjoy!
Fetlife: Although one of our favorite sites to frequent it is not the best for dating, it’s better for learning and exploring your kinks. Fetlife is a social network for fetishes and finding a third is a breeze here, it’s packed to the bursting point with users looking to explore and have fun. Of course, stranger things have happened but I wouldn’t join FetLife looking for actual love, this site is all about sex and having fun.
Alt.com: If you’re open-minded and adventurous, this site will be great for you. It is a dedicated hook-up site for those who enjoy bdsm, bondage, and fetish sex, however, finding a third is a walk in the park as there are plenty of people happy to help and even give you advice on your own personal scenario. Just be honest and unbiased and you will have a great experience.
You can also find more swinger/threesome safe sites on this guide we created.
Extra Advice For When Using Dating Sites To Find Your Third:
Read their bio: Make sure to read their profile properly. They may say they are not into couples or threesomes or they may explain the way they like to be contacted (perhaps with a courtesy message or a photo). Respect their wishes, even if they look like the perfect person, and be respectful and mindful of their wants.
Have an attractive profile: Make sure to have pictures of you both, a description of what you’re like, and exactly what you are looking for. Be as open as you can, let people know what you’re hoping for, and be friendly. You don’t want people to think you’re fake or time wasters.
Don’t go straight in for the kill: People will be put off if you message them straight away with what you want, making demands and coming off way too strong. Talk to the people you’re interested in as you would with someone you’re looking to hook up with.
Don’t be that couple: Don’t be creepy, don’t be the couple that everyone avoids because they’re looking for one thing and one thing only. It has the same vibe as when a single guy won’t leave a woman alone. There are loads of people that want threesomes, they just want it to be with a cool, chill couple and not creeps.
It’s riskier for them: It doesn’t matter if you’re meeting a man or woman, it’s riskier for the person joining you, make them feel safe, comfortable, and open enough to share their mind. I always recommend meeting in a public place first, just to make sure you gel in person and to make sure that you and they are who they say they are.
Know What You Want: There’s nothing worse than indecision when it comes to sex. Know exactly what you want. Do you want to be in a nice hotel? Book it! If you’re going for dinner, book somewhere. If it’s cocktails, know a place, etc. It’s not up to the third to plan these things, they might want options so give them that, they might like to choose and want to avoid a place you suggested, they may even have their own favorite spot, but it’s good to take control of this aspect so that you aren’t running around looking for spots.
Upfront: As you get more comfortable you might have different techniques. I’ve had couples reach out to me like this:
“Hey, we’re looking for a third to join us.
We are new to this and would love to go for a drink or two with you, if it goes well, then maybe more.
We will treat you to dinner and drinks (if you’re okay with that) and are happy to travel to you.”
This would be after a few back and forths of talking. It doesn’t come off strong because they are polite and respectful of me.
Overall, some won’t like this, some won’t like that, it’s all about trying it out and saying what is real to you and learning what works the best for you with the people you interact with.
Go to a bar/club (Has to be the right kind)
Dating sites aside, going to a bar/club is another way lots of people find a random third to bring up home. This can be a really effective way as people are relaxed and comfortable and they can meet the both of you in a busy and flirty environment.
Just as you would be on a dating site, be upfront, talk to different people, flirt, and ask them what they think about joining you both. If someone isn’t interested, move on, don’t interrupt big groups, and just be yourselves.
Try Going To A Sex Clubs
Most cities have one sex club or at least a few. Although it can be daunting, it is a sure way to meet someone to join you and you will have a safe space to get down to it.
The great thing about sex clubs is that everyone knows why you are there, there’s no judgment and often, there are rules that mean there is never an odd amount of men over women. Sex clubs will naturally open your eyes up to new things, they will give you confidence and even if you just want to watch others until you are ready to get involved, you can.
Partner Swapping (Instead Of A Threesome)
Sometimes finding a unicorn is really hard, however, a lot of couples that are having a hard time with it switch to foursomes/partner swapping as a way to experience it, as it’s really easy to find a couple to play with.
You can do this by heading to clubs and dating sites as I mentioned above. You will usually find more couples actively looking for swaps, cuckolds, cuckqueans (read more about cuckqueans here), and swinging and you shouldn’t struggle to find the right match for you. Just be sure to follow the steps as you would with a solo third, be respectful, and non-discriminatory, and be sure to also discuss everything you are comfortable with and not comfortable with beforehand with your partner.
Go On A Special Vacation
There are many party vacation spots, and having a threesome gets much easier when you are at one. Heading to an adult-only hotel, a swingers hotel, a nudist resort, a lifestyle cruise or just a party destination will open you up to a three-way.
Some of the people that you meet may not be interested in love and may not care that it’s your first time but you will find horny individuals and couples looking for the exact same thing that you are.
Try An Escort
A lot of couples actually hire sex workers to join them for the first time. It’s a controlled environment, you can ask for exactly what you want and you will be with someone who knows exactly how to please.
For lots of couples, this will be a big no, but for some couples, this will be the safest and best option. A sex worker has seen it all and done it all before, they won’t tell the world and if you get the right kind of escort you will be able to tell them everything you want and need from the experience. Remember to be respectful and make sure you go to a reputable place to find the right escort third.
Flaking, Fakes, And Picture Swappers
Something you have to be aware of in the online world is the time wasters. Be prepared to deal with people flaking the day before or moments before you meet.
You usually get a vibe when this is happening. If they don’t answer your messages the day of, they are flaking on you. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do to stop time wasters, you just need to learn from them and move on.
Fake profiles: These people are just time-wasters who aren’t who they say they are. You can fix this by sharing a picture with today’s date on it and having them do the same. This isn’t needed when you can tell they are real by their social profiles or pictures, but sometimes is needed when there isn’t much about them and they may seem too good to be true.
People looking to steal pictures: Some people set up accounts to either trade pictures, just talk about the fantasy, or flirt and they have no actual intention of ever meeting you. This is perfectly fine as long as it’s what you want, however, there are some that use free dating sites as a way to collect nudes and sexy images, so just be aware of this. I don’t include my face in my pictures until I trust and get proof someone is real.
Why Do Unicorns Avoid New Couples?
Unicorns are those who join couples on their threeway voyage but you will find that they tend to avoid newbies unless they are a newbie themself.
Unicorns complain of new couples being indecisive and there can sometimes be an expectation to please both and make sure they are both okay, this can be draining, it’s like spinning plates for the third.
It’s hard, you’re trying to not make the wife feel secure while pleasing yourself and the husband. Unicorns explain how it’s just easier to meet more experienced couples who understand the process and what it takes to have a third in the bedroom.
This isn’t to say all unicorns feel this way but you find it is a big majority. That’s why it’s always important to know what you want and be open and honest with your partner.
What you shouldn’t do (you will fail a lot if you do this)
Thirds, unicorns, cuckcakes, bulls, and threesome buddies are not toys, they have emotions and most won’t want to be used just for your pleasure. They have to get something out of it and it has to be part of their fantasy too.
For some the pleasure of sex is enough, for others, they want to complete the fantasy of a threesome too, for others they want to be shared by both a man and a woman and be lusted over and others want to have great sex with two hot people. Read all about our experiences with wife sharing.
It’s not enough to just want someone to join to do what you say (unless that’s their kink) and to please you and then go, you won’t have luck finding someone if this is the way you act (unless you’re looking for an MFM threesome when most of what they want is just the physical pleasure so you’ll probably be okay).
Instead, find out exactly what the person you want to join you wants from the sex and the experience, and make sure you give them it. It will keep them coming back and make everything more enjoyable for all of you.
How To Make Sure You’re Ready To Open Things Up
I am sure if you’re here, you have had the chat with your partner and this is it for you both but if you haven’t, be sure to really understand what you both want, work out if it’s right for you and discuss every eventuality. Life is for a living but your relationship is so important too and you need to put boundaries and rules in place to keep your experience the best it can be.
These are some ways you can make sure you’re ready before taking the plunge and meeting people:
Simulate a threesome: You can use sex toys to simulate a threesome. Really get into it, feel what it’s like to double penetrate, enjoy the sensation of another cock, wear blindfolds and wigs and really get into the fantasy with your tools.
Try flirting, sexting, and cam sex: Make sure it’s for you first by getting on cam with strangers, flirt with people you meet, and see what feelings arise for the both of you. Is the jealousy too much? or does it intrigue you?
Understand it won’t fix things: If you’re doing it to fix your relationship it probably won’t. Do it out of fun, enjoyment, and trying something new, not to fix a problem that needs to be resolved between you both first.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below.
I’m Willow, I’m Brandon’s girlfriend and we run this blog together (with the help of some friends). We both have an open relationship and both love being kinky (I mean who doesn’t?). I love writing, music and my Womanizer. If you have any questions leave them in the comments.