First Time At A Sex Club & Sex Party (What To Expect)

Sex clubs and sex parties can be daunting places, whether you’re going for the first time or you are in a new area and looking for some fun. If you don’t know what to expect, it can really make you anxious and hesitant about the outcome.

Before we first attended any of these kinds of places, I was so nervous! I didn’t know what was going to happen, who was going to be there, or even how to behave but luckily, 9 times out of 10 the hosts will help you out and people are so friendly at these types of things because everyone was once where you were.

I want to go in-depth into what you can expect, what’s going to happen, and how you can feel comfortable about heading into an unknown world. If you have any questions feel free to leave them in the comment section below. Now, let’s begin!

What Is A Sex Club (are they real)?

picture of three someone in lingerie wearing masquerade masks with text over explaining what a sex club is

A sex club is a place found in most cities or large towns, it’s a place for exploring, observing, meeting new people, and just having some casual fun. You are not obliged to have sex in a sex club, although some clubs do require you to follow a dress code and this is usually to be naked or in lingerie (boxers for men). Sex clubs usually have lots of different rooms, such as bdsm rooms, beds for group sex, restraints, jacuzzis, or pools for you to play in.

Sometimes sex clubs hold different nightly events that may be open to only certain people (ie men only, couples only). We have found that sex clubs are also very inclusive, people are non-discriminatory and any gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation is welcome. If you’re a respectful, non-pressurizing, and nice person, you will be accepted.

Unlike normal clubs, a sex club is for adults to enjoy casual, hassle-free sex with other consenting and horny adults. Everyone knows what they are there for and so long as you follow the rules, you will have a great time.

Is a Swingers club different from a sex club?

These two places are very similar and when people mention sex clubs, they can often be referring to swinging clubs simultaneously. In a sex club, all things go, singles of all sexes are welcome and a lot of different sexual scenarios can take place. In a swingers club, it is usually only reserved for couples and single women to enjoy one another, swap, and participate in group sex. Swinging clubs have a nice healthy ratio of men and women, and the majority of people will understand wife swapping and sharing.

What happens at swinger clubs (Why Would You Want To Go?)

a list of reasons people go to sex clubs. Black background and the reasons are inside blue and yellow boxes.

A lot happens behind those closed doors, it isn’t just straight down to business, there are a lot of different people in sex/swinging clubs, and without different people come different interests and sexual desires. Inside swinger clubs and some sex clubs, you will find people doing all manners of different things and these are just a few things that people get up to:

  • Threesome
  • Cuckolding
  • Cuckqueaning
  • Group Sex
  • Watching Sex
  • Being watched have sex
  • Flirting and soft swapping
  • Couple swapping
  • Trying BDSM Dungeon
  • Finding a Dom/Sub
  • Having Lots Of Sex
  • Being naked around people
  • Fulfill lots of different sexual fantasy

Some clubs have themes, such as bdsm or bondage, some are swingers clubs only, some encourage different scenarios such as group sex and cuckolding and some allow a bit of everything. Just do your research and find a club that suits your needs.

How to find sex clubs and parties

list of websites I use to find sex clubs and parties. The websites mentioned are killing kittens, quiver, adult friend finder, fetlife, swinglifestyle, and sdc.

If you live in a large town or city, you will probably find a sex club right under your nose, where you least expected it. Discretion is still a major of why these places work so always be mindful of other people’s business and don’t share the location with just anyone.

To find one in your area, type into your search engine: Sex/swinger/lifestyle clubs/bars near me or sex clubs [your city]

These are some of the best sites that I use to find sex parties and sex clubs in your area or desired location. Some people prefer to go on vacation to attend these events (as it minimizes the risk of meeting anyone you know) and others just want to see who and what is available in their area.

Killing Kittens

Killing kittens is world-famous for its sex parties, they run exclusive parties in a modern-driven way. Anyone who doesn’t identify as a cis-gendered man is automatically considered a ‘kitten’ and is in full control at all times, the parties are always incredible and although pricey to grab a ticket, people rave about these events, if you’re lucky enough to grab yourself a spot.


Create an honest and crammed profile, explain exactly what you want and pinpoint your location, and then let others connect with you. Find local parties, clubs, and events, or meet with other horny couples looking for some fun. Events posted can be from across the world but it is easy enough to find events near you with all of the information, address, and ticket information that you will need.

Adult Friend Finder

This is one of our favorite places to hang out when looking for new couples, solos, and parties to attend. AFF helps you to find locals and groups that share similar interests as you, it’s great for finding couples and for discovering more intimate sex parties with fewer people and more prioritized sex. Some also use this site to find a third to join them in the bedroom.


Fetlife is a social network for people who are into the kinkier things in life. If you enjoy bdsm, bondage, fetish play, and anything else out of the ordinary it’s a great place to join, create a profile, and mingle with the other thousands of kinksters online. Its big selling point is its events page which allows you to explore the kink events in your area easily and even get to know people prior to going.


This site is filled with erotic stories but it also has a function I use frequently when traveling. You can browse through worldwide swingers’ clubs, parties and groups by clicking on the map or browsing through the listed events. The site is old school but it works and there are a lot of active members who constantly post updates, news, and events for newbies and amateur swingers.


Updated daily with an interesting blog to browse and swinger parties to acknowledge and check out, this site is a great place to enjoy. So many events get listed that it’s worth it to keep on checking back and making sure you haven’t missed a thing in your area.

You can also check out this big list of approved and safe swinger dating sites that we’ve tested.

How do swinger clubs work?

picture of a lady in sheer clothing wearing masquerade mask with a list ways a sex club works next to her.

Sex parties or swingers clubs, work the same way. You find the right venue for you, do your research, read any reviews if there are any and you usually have to sign-up/buy a ticket online, unless stated that you can turn up on the night.

A lot of clubs have rules such as no single men, over 25’s only, a dress code, no phones, etc, so make sure you read up on the rules of each individual event to make sure everything goes smoothly on the night.

If it’s an event organized by a well-known organization you can ask them any questions you may have and let them know on the night that it’s your first time there. They will be accommodating and hopefully show you how everything works.

How much do they cost?

This varies from event to event. Some charge at the door, some require you to become a paying member of the club first, sometimes it’s more expensive if you’re a single male, sometimes women can come in for free, and sometimes tickets can be like gold dust. You can pay anywhere from $30 to upwards of $250 depending on the night, what kind of event it is, where it is, the type of organization and even your gender can have you paying more.

What It’s Like Inside a sex club

Inside of a sex club can vary from place to place, usually, it’s dimly lit, with little rooms with different ‘play areas’ for you to enjoy. Smaller clubs sometimes can’t always cater to every need and will be just a large club or home with soft furnishings for you to lounge and enjoy yourself. There is usually music playing and a bar for you to purchase drinks from all night.

These are some of the things you can find inside different sex clubs: Hot tubs, pools, saunas, steam rooms, bars, glory holes, red rooms, bedrooms, couches, condoms, stages for people who want to be watched, watch rooms, poles, shower rooms, bdsm dungeons (BDSM chairs, benches, restrains devices, cages), playrooms, cinemas with porn playing, seating areas, dinner areas, champagne, masks & private bedrooms.

Sex club rules/Etiquette

Every club has its own rules that you must follow, however, these are just some rules and basic etiquette standards you must follow when attending any kind of sex club event or party. Always get permission from any couple or group before joining them.

  • Do not drink too much (Moderation is key).
  • Shower and make sure you are clean before arrival.
  • Always ask for consent before doing anything.
  • Conduct yourself with elegance and respect.
  • Be respectful to everyone.
  • Be friendly and approachable.
  • Bring protection and lube (even if the club provides it).
  • Have clear boundaries with anyone you engage with.
  • Respect the rules of the club at all times.
  • Be clear on what you want.
  • Respect rejection and personal space.

What To Wear To A Sex Club

Most clubs have their own dress code, this can be anything from formal wear, fully nude, lingerie, or fetish wear. Check the details before buying your ticket if you’re uncomfortable with any of the latter.

Most clubs require women to be in some form of lingerie so I like to wear my favorite lingerie outfit, with dramatic makeup and a light dusting of perfume. Brandon, my partner, will wear boxers or just go fully nude!

My First Time At A Sex Club

list of sex club rules and etiquette you have to follow while visiting a sex club.

My first time at a sex club was certainly interesting, I had no idea who to talk to, what to do with myself or how to even feel. It can be daunting but once you find somewhere you’re comfortable and you realize that everybody there is looking for the exact same thing, things do start to get easier.

If you read our blog, you will know that nowadays sharing, swapping, swinging and threesomes are just normal for Brandon and me but there was a time when that wasn’t the case. When we first went to a sex club we hadn’t been open for that long and because of how intense it was, I found myself inwardly feeling extremely anxious.

Thankfully we met some really nice people who made that anxiety melt away as we got closer and eventually had some incredible sex together. It opened my eyes up to new things and I loved the sensation of being watched and adored in the middle of a club.

Sex Club, Party, or Event (The Difference)?

A sex club is filled with a broader spectrum of people and sometimes you may find not as many rules and regulations when it comes to attendance. It’s a great place to hang out, there’s no pressure and they are in most major towns and cities.

A party is more of a condensed version of a club, it is often filled with a smaller group of people who all have similar interests or who wish to explore something together such as a kink or fetish.

Events work the same as parties but are usually focused on just one theme, ie bdsm. Events can be a lot of fun with people attending them from all over the globe.

Whichever you choose, it’s a great place to find couples to swap with, swing, find a third or just have some solo fun!

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